David Brenner appears as himself when Jay takes Gloria to see a comedy show for Valentine's Day. Meanwhile, Phil and Claire decide to spice up their romantic holiday; and Mitchell and Cameron try to set Manny up on a date.
Clips
Funny lines & moments
Phil & Claire have just exchanged Valentine's Day cards.
Claire: So, Fratelli's tonight?
Phil: Hello, canolli canoe!
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Jay: Gloria and I are from different generations, and I won't lie, it isn't always easy. I mean, last week she thought Simon and Garfunkel were my lawyers.
Gloria: No I didn't.
Jay: It was a joke.
Gloria: I don't get it.
Jay: Maybe that's because there's no mallet.
Gloria: Yeah, I wish I had a mallet right now.
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Lily is dressed up with boa wings.
Mitch: Oh, that is cute.
Cam: Cute? We spent a lot of time on this.
Mitch: I don't see how, you just cut up one of your boas.
Cam: Actually, no... we re-purposed it. It was sort of a Bob Mackey meets Martha Stewart project.
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Dylan: Happy Valentine's Day, Mrs. Dunphy (as he hands Claire a rose).
Claire: Oh, Dylan, thank you. That is so sweet.
Dylan: You know, all women should look as tasty as you when they're old.
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Phil: I thought you might enjoy a night at a hotel.
Claire: I would. But would you and the kids be OK?
Phil: I meant together. So, what do you think?
Claire: I think you're not getting any sleep tonight, so you might want to take a nap at work today.
Phil: I always do.
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Mitch: I had one of the greatest closing arguments of all time. All about the big government rolling over the little guy. I even had this great moment at the end where I would point to the state seal and I'd say "shame".
Cam: Oh, that's what you were doing in the shower. I was a little worried.
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Manny: I don't know. Dirkus is going to be there. I've seen the kid do a pull-up.
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Phil and Claire are in a role play at a bar.
Claire: Well, if your wife is so very beautiful, then why are you here with me.
Phil: Because she's always so tired and she's always making lists of things for me to do.
Claire: Maybe if you did them she wouldn't be so tired.
Phil: Oh, no, she can make lists for days.
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Claire (returns to the scene wearing only a coat): Clive, I have a little something for you.
Phil: What is it?
Claire: My dress. (She hands Phil her dress.) My bra. (She hands him her bra.) My underwear. (She hands him her underwear.)
Phil: My God.
Claire: What do you say we take this upstairs?
Phil: This is so much better than cheesy garlic bread.
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Gloria: What if I gain 100 pounds? Are you going to leave me then?
Jay (pauses): No.
Gloria: What's with the pause?
Jay: Well, it's not exactly fair. I mean, I have to get old. You don't have to get fat.
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Claire is driving in the van with the kids talking to Phil on speakerphone.
Phil (through the phone): I just wanted to tell you how great you were last night. Sorry I got the, um, oil everywhere. But they're not our sheets, right?
Claire: Honey... honey... remember when the salesman told us that the Sienna was built with the whole family in mind? Well, the whole family just heard that.
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