Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Season 1, Episode 15: "My Funky Valentine"

Original Air Date: February 10, 2010

David Brenner appears as himself when Jay takes Gloria to see a comedy show for Valentine's Day. Meanwhile, Phil and Claire decide to spice up their romantic holiday; and Mitchell and Cameron try to set Manny up on a date.


Funny lines & moments

Phil & Claire have just exchanged Valentine's Day cards.

Claire: So, Fratelli's tonight?

Phil: Hello, canolli canoe!


Jay: Gloria and I are from different generations, and I won't lie, it isn't always easy. I mean, last week she thought Simon and Garfunkel were my lawyers.

Gloria: No I didn't.

Jay: It was a joke.

Gloria: I don't get it.

Jay: Maybe that's because there's no mallet.

Gloria: Yeah, I wish I had a mallet right now.


Lily is dressed up with boa wings.

Mitch: Oh, that is cute.

Cam: Cute? We spent a lot of time on this.

Mitch: I don't see how, you just cut up one of your boas.

Cam: Actually, no... we re-purposed it. It was sort of a Bob Mackey meets Martha Stewart project.


Dylan: Happy Valentine's Day, Mrs. Dunphy (as he hands Claire a rose).

Claire: Oh, Dylan, thank you. That is so sweet.

Dylan: You know, all women should look as tasty as you when they're old.


Phil: I thought you might enjoy a night at a hotel.

Claire: I would. But would you and the kids be OK?

Phil: I meant together. So, what do you think?

Claire: I think you're not getting any sleep tonight, so you might want to take a nap at work today.

Phil: I always do.


Mitch: I had one of the greatest closing arguments of all time. All about the big government rolling over the little guy. I even had this great moment at the end where I would point to the state seal and I'd say "shame".

Cam: Oh, that's what you were doing in the shower. I was a little worried.


Manny: I don't know. Dirkus is going to be there. I've seen the kid do a pull-up.


Phil and Claire are in a role play at a bar.

Claire: Well, if your wife is so very beautiful, then why are you here with me.

Phil: Because she's always so tired and she's always making lists of things for me to do.

Claire: Maybe if you did them she wouldn't be so tired.

Phil: Oh, no, she can make lists for days.


Claire (returns to the scene wearing only a coat): Clive, I have a little something for you.

Phil:  What is it?

Claire: My dress.  (She hands Phil her dress.)  My bra.  (She hands him her bra.)  My underwear.  (She hands him her underwear.)

Phil: My God.

Claire:  What do you say we take this upstairs?

Phil:  This is so much better than cheesy garlic bread.


Gloria: What if I gain 100 pounds?  Are you going to leave me then?

Jay (pauses):  No.

Gloria: What's with the pause?

Jay: Well, it's not exactly fair.  I mean, I have to get old.  You don't have to get fat.


Claire is driving in the van with the kids talking to Phil on speakerphone.

Phil (through the phone): I just wanted to tell you how great you were last night.  Sorry I got the, um, oil everywhere.  But they're not our sheets, right?

Claire:  Honey... honey... remember when the salesman told us that the Sienna was built with the whole family in mind?  Well, the whole family just heard that.

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